my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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