I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize