it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm passing your future prison.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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