A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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