she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize