Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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