She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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