U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize