If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
