Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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