He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
