Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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