Are we in a gay sports bar?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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