well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize