HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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