Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
