don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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