You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
