I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
