meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
