so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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