oh god the rape fog is back!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
