he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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