Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
