I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
