Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
