Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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