let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
