She's JV to your varsity
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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