Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
