umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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