oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
