i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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