Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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