i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
