I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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