Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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