Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
