Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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