i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
