ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
