How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
