I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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