He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
