Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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