I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
