I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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