P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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