I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
