there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They took my balls.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
