ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
