i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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