I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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