does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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