Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
