Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
