I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
