He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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