just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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