Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The air was thick with penises
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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