I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
