it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i think i have two assholes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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