Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
