I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
