I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
