i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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