I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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