So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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