we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
