No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize