Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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