Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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