I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
