I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
