My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
