he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize