OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
