you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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