Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
