This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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