She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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