speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize