I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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