He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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