i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
