1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
