Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
