wanna go halves on a baby?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
