I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
