I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
