So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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