you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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