after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
