its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize