I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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