fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
