So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
