I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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