it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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