You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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