why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
