If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
