I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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