I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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