wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
