Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
