Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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