And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
