we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
