WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
