Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
