Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
