I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
