Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
