please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize