i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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