You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How external is "for external use only"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
