Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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