yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
