I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
