Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
