Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize