Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
is it fun? or sober?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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