Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
